I have always embraced my neurodivergence, even if at times others and I are put off by it. It can feel like being outside myself, watching myself say or do something I thought I opposed. At the same time, this dichotomy serves to strengthen my empathy towards those with whom I occasionally disagree.
I have so many blind spots, especially with punctuation and editing, because the sands are constantly shifting beneath the sentences. Grammarly is always asking if I really want to say something this way or that, and I am constantly saying, “I wish this were for the last time, but YES!!!” Because my shit may be clunky doggerel, but at least it’s poetic. And then I laugh and give my dog a hug.
What neurodivergence brings to my personal experience is a circular, rather than a sequential, thinking pattern, and contradictory criticism of myself and others. I am a contrarian by nature. Also, the dour raindrops never stop falling, and my awareness conjures its own rhythms and melodies from the sound.
University study in the humanities served my neurodivergence by requiring me to practice critical thinking, engage with the subject matter of thesis and antithesis, and adopt the observational third-person perspective. Academics force a student to take sides and defend them adequately. My mind is far too flighty for rigorous academics, so I read blogs written by academics who have a way of putting things that I can agree with every other day.
Also, neurodivergence allows me to be both fascinated with and distanced from spirituality. I acknowledge eastern philosophies, which allow space for the divergent associated symbols we accumulate as expression. While at the same time, in my core is deeply ingrained a hearty American Great Lakes cranktitude that gets me by in the coldest of weather and burns me out when it’s hot. Some days I feel like Zen, some days I don’t. However, I can always empathize with Lao Tzu, or if I read a senryu or haiku, a grand epiphany explodes.
Convergence in how
The dog shits, then runs away
Licking filthy things
This poem is a symbolic progression from birth to rebirth.
Baskets of wings flutter and drop on my tongue
As I struggle to spit the metal hook
And unfurl the chicken wire
In the blue lagoon
Rune
Rune tempered swizzle sticks
Jerking templates from an Almighty
While gangs of whispers seep from the vents
Tool
Tool on the stone of make-believe
Husks of riddles sauntering by
On their way to platitudes
Jibbering jaunts that haunt and wiggle
And stick in the afterburn
Table
Table feeds the saw from the hand that triggers
Displays in haste before form configures
Waist deep in hind sweat
Forward, the past slowly lingers
Smudged now and again by dirty fingers
Field
Field where the rest lay active in frozen abundance
Lies low with its meek encumbrance
Eyes and tongues shriveled with black rot
The singers and players who left waves of vibrations
Absorbed by lead
Led by the leaving
Dropping through the aquifer
Berry blooming in a bog
Sunrise
One response to “Neurodivergence in Free Verse”
I honestly had to google neurodivergence. As someone who has always been a little “out of step” with others, I doubt if anyone is really as normal as they want to pretend. Anyhow, interesting post.