Category: Essays

• Bow Before Your King!

  You will all bow to the lard cheeses.

• 

  Spoiler: The World Already Ended

  Someone took a survival letter — written by a persecuted community to say we named our oppressors, we survived, we are still here — and turned it into a revenge fantasy about the end of the world.

• Rat Face Jeanine Pirro

  That Pirro bitch reminds me of the rabid lunatic at the bus stop surrounded by imaginary foes, spitting and raging and making faces in every direction.

• To Be American

  And in that vestibule where the moon tarries, where once the down-lined coats flurried, where polyester now patrols, in the dawn of what will be, the curtain is pulled back to reveal the source of the mirage. Yet my eyes see nothing.

• 

  If Solzhenitsyn Had Written Hogan’s Heroes, and The Sandwich Pickle

  I like Subway, but four Sandwiches unto myself equals a burgeoning ecosystem arising from the soggy leavened bread, droopy vegetables, and slimy meat.