A free verse poem
Note: I began writing this poem in response to a prompt, but as I wrote, I realized it had strayed into the didactic. So I decided to publish it here. A 61-year-old man's take on life is going to differ dramatically from that of others who haven't had their buoyancy knocked out of them. Oh, and I agree with Sartre; hell is other people.
Who I Am When No One Is Looking
The picture of positivity
Not really
In my solitary moments
Which are many
I am still curmudgeonly
I will sing in public.
To the consternation of the woman
Who always has a contrary view
And leads with too much enthusiasm
Into an obstinate opinion
Without a good reason
Accept that it is the way she feels
YOU?! A poet? More than one exclaimed
While I looked behind her eyes
Judging her too sane
To partake of my festivities
To give a shit how I feel
As much as she wants
To hear herself think
I digress because so much of what a man thinks
By the time he has been domesticated for 60 years
Depends on the voices of those around him
And what they allow him to say
In their presence
And even if words don’t show
The body knows
Boundaries and lessons
And what lies beyond them
In the gaps between words
I psychoanalyze
Like everyone else
As I’ve grown older
I realize these are my fictions
And the fictions others make
Of themselves and others
Judging what one would or wouldn’t do
Places one wouldn’t be caught dead in
Because they just aren’t the right places
Or the right kinds of people
When I was younger, my body writhed
With expression well-known,
My reactions were muted
I practiced kung fu behind walls
Unconfident in myself
But confident in learning
Healthy body mechanics
To fight the demons in my bones
Not the ones in other people’s heads
And for all those who ever said I was negative
It is the positive you overlook, unfortunately
Because my life isn’t about you or anyone else
Just as yours isn’t for the rest
It’s for the self, what you are, and claim to be
As you age, you find
They are the same
despite what others say
I am a writer, poet, researcher, helper
Brother, friend, and passerby
I am a musician who plays from the heart
Whether anyone wants to realize it or not,
It is I
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.